Playing Nice: Getting Along with Difficult Colleagues

Today’s article is a guest post (a rarity)! The author, Ashley Davis Bush, LCSW, is a psychotherapist in southern New Hampshire and the author of three self-help books, including the recently-published Shortcuts to Inner Peace: 70 Simple Paths to Everyday Serenity. This book capitalizes on the ironic insight that most stressed-out people are “too busy” to meditate, a practice that can dramatically decrease our stress levels and increase our capacity to perform at our best each day. Here is her advice on how to achieve inner peace at the office when the circumstances make it seem downright impossible:

Let’s face it – if you spend a lot of time at work, you spend a lot of time with your colleagues. Of course, you have some coworkers with whom you actually enjoy spending time, while others, shall we say, you’d prefer to see a little less frequently.

Maybe you find one of your colleagues a bit annoying or perhaps you have an office bully in your midst, always criticizing and taking credit for others’ great ideas. Is there an energy vampire in the office, often interrupting you and asking for your help? Or maybe a coworker simply reminds you of your overbearing Aunt Mildred. Whatever the circumstances of your challenging colleague, here are five simple strategies for learning to play nice in the sandbox.

1. Right Turn – If your colleague says something hostile to you, release your resistance and say, “I can see how you would think that” or even, “I agree with you” or “yes, it’s true that I did that.” You completely diffuse a conflict when you don’t fight back. Look for a kernel of truth to agree with and then see if you can find a solution, if necessary, from a more grounded place.

2. Take 5 – A breathing exercise is one of the quickest, most effective ways to calm yourself down. If your colleague has pushed your button, excuse yourself to the bathroom and try this simple technique. Relax your shoulders and breath in for the count of five, hold your breath for the count of five, and then exhale through your mouth for the count of five. This will clear your head and calm your body so you can move on with your day.

3. Joy to the World – Try sending your colleague good wishes. Although you may not be feeling overly kind and generous towards them, try wishing them good health, peace, and happiness. Chances are that they’re struggling with their own insecurities and personal demons, so spend a moment in the morning thinking, “May you know peace” or “I wish you a happy day.” When you open your heart with compassion, you begin to feel more joyful.

4. Teacher’s Pet – Consider that this person has been sent to you as a teacher in your life. Could it be that you’re supposed to learn more patience, more tolerance? When you find yourself feeling frustrated with your colleague, ask yourself, “What could I learn from this experience?”

5. Remember This – When your colleague is really getting your goat, remember why you are working at this particular job. Maybe you’re putting in your time so you can climb the proverbial ladder. Maybe this is work that you actually feel is part of your life’s mission. Or maybe this job simply provides the important function of paying your bills. Try to keep the bigger picture in your mind’s eye so that you can have perspective on the lesser annoyances.

Try these simple strategies and notice how your relationships begin to improve. Remember that you cannot change the colleague, but you can change your own reactions and responses. And when one person starts to play differently, the whole sandbox dynamic begins to change.

For more wisdom and resources from Ashley Davis Bush, please visit her site www.ashleydavisbush.com.