One problem is that as we get into positions of more responsibility or higher authority, we receive less and less feedback on our performance. We also become more comfortable—after all, we have been successful in the past. Compounding that, power has a strong effect on our behavior—making us more susceptible to being more self-centered, less empathetic, and more likely to not walk the talk.

So what can be done about this? First of all, don’t assume that you know yourself. We humans are dynamic, adapting to new situations, other people, and different environments quickly. Just because you were agreeable and timid twenty years ago, don’t assume that is the way people perceive you today.

Assess and re-assess often:

Ask specific questions

Most people are reluctant to give feedback. It takes tremendous courage, not to mention trust, to go into your boss’s office and provide your negative evaluation after an event. Who does that? But the conversation is easier when you ask for the feedback:

“Can you help me out? I think I am focusing too much on the details of the project and I fear I am neglecting to share the bigger vision with everyone. Have you noticed this—what do you think?… Can you watch for it over the next few weeks? I’ll check back.”

It’s much easier for your team to help you out in this way.

Track it

How easy is it to dismiss feedback that we don’t agree with? Unfortunately, we can do this so automatically that we forget that we received the negative information in the first place! Create a feedback journal and write it all down, immediately—whether you choose accept the feedback or not.  The bonus here is that you can read the positive feedback as a pick-me-up when you are down.

Keep it continuous

Most of us have opportunity to receive feedback annually, but why go that long without information that can help you succeed? Each month, work on a new goal and ask a learning partner for evidence of progress. Each month, ask your coworkers about things you need to do more of and things that you should stop doing. Phrase it like that so the feedback feels more helpful than hurtful.

How do you solicit feedback on your behavior?

This post originally appeared on the Intuit QuickBase Team Leadership Blog.

At one point during the background preparation for the coaching process, she remarked:

“Here is an example of his poor communication: one Tuesday, he is missing from the office. I go all day wondering where he is, and by the end of the day, when I finally get to my email, I see that he had emailed me last night that he wasn’t going to be in. Why wouldn’t he have just popped in to the office and let me know about this in person?”

At first, I was very confused about the point she was trying to make. At my office, if someone will be out, they send an email; if we don’t realize we’ll be out until the day of, we’ll send a text message. Message is sent, message is received–no big deal. After some discussion, several people in the room, including the executive coach facilitating the session, came to an agreement that email is not communication. That email is a one-way memo that is devoid of tone, posture, and other nonverbals so it cannot be used as a method of communicating with another person.

While everyone in the room seemed content with this, it did nothing to clear my confusion. Are we not living in a world where 70% of workplace communication is electronic, where we can converse in 140 typed characters or less, and our teams are dispersed around the globe? Was this not just a case of poor time management and ineffective information flow?

Then, I realized, the difference is not in which communication style is right or wrong or what is new or old. No one person is at fault here. Communication takes two individuals regardless of the medium or modality that is delivering the message. These communication guidelines can be used with 20-year-olds and 80-year-olds, whether you are speaking face-to-face, talking on the phone, composing an email, texting, or sending an IM:

Personal preferences

Introverts need alone time to process information while extraverts often need to talk through a problem before it begins to make sense. To call an introvert on the phone, spring an unexpected issue, and then expect a response during the same discussion will make it appear that you are unreasonable. Similarly, don’t expect an extravert who is coordinating a team effort to do so without meetings or at least a conference call (or five). Our personal preferences go a long way in determining whether we’d prefer to send/receive a written message versus whether we want to chat about it. Be flexible as often as you can, but do speak up and request communication that fits your needs when it counts.

Expectations within your relationship

Expectations can be set implicitly or explicitly. If you fail to set expectations verbally, you will set expectations with your actions. If you generally respond to email within five minutes, people will expect that you will always respond quickly and become concerned if you don’t. If you regularly take a day or so to respond to your email, you are effectively training those you communicate with to contact you using other means if something is urgent. If you want to receive certain messages through email and others during team meetings, then let others know.

Norms within your work team

How does work get done in your team or in your company? If you are a bunch of individual contributors, asynchronous communication can be infinitely more productive than constant interruptions. If you are working on a deadline that requires intense concentration (say, programming, writing, or data analysis), it’s much easier to turn off Outlook notifications and put up an away message than it is to tune out the overly chatty cubemate. But if you rely on others to get work done–and conversely, others rely on you then you may have to be available and visible.

Communication skills

For decades, training professionals have built up a vast amount of literature on active listening skills, persuasion, and assertive language; how to stand and how to project your voice, and all that. Well, now we need the same for our online world. The words we use in written communication have nuances akin to nonverbal signals during face-to-face conversation. To write a clear and concise email that minimizes confusion, describes intent, and requests action is a skill. To read an email without overanalyzing the emotion or motive behind it is a skill.

Empathy

Regardless of preferences, expectations, norms, and skills, if you only think of yourself and your needs your communication efforts will fail. Communication takes two–their preferences, their interpretation of expectations, their generational norms, the norms at their previous company or work team, and their communication skills (or lack thereof) have as much of an impact on the message that is conveyed and how it is received.

Do your personal preferences determine how you communicate? Do the generational stereotypes fit you? Leave stories of your communication mishaps in the comments!

This post originally appeared on the Intuit Quickbase Team Leadership Blog.

Why are some leaders able to inspire us to act when others can’t? Why are some organizations are able to inspire us to buy while others can’t? Simon Sinek gives an 18-minute TED Talk about how this works.

If you don’t watch the video, here’s a quick recap:

Those of us who know the “Why?” behind what we do are the ones who are able to inspire. Most of us know what we do and some of us even know how we do it, but the powerful thing is to know why. This works because the why tells us about a purpose, a cause, or a belief. That why informs us of the core reason for existence, which in turn drives behavior and action. Our emotional response to the why is what inspires trust and loyalty. So you could say that inspiration has a strong emotional component behind it.

So if that is inspiration, how do you get there?

Everyone’s path will be different, but there are three pieces that are crucial to inspiration:

Energy

You must first be able to inspire yourself before you can inspire others. If you often feel down, unmotivated, disengaged, you have to engage yourself first.

Empathy

The Golden Rule is bad advice. You shouldn’t treat people how you would want to be treated; you should treat people how they want to be treated. Likewise, what inspires you may not inspire others. Appeal to others’ intrinsic motivations and values in order to inspire.

Communication

Thinking and feeling the right things won’t get you far if you cannot communicate all of that in a way that is understood. The vision that you set forth needs to be understandable, precise, powerful, and engaging.

In an HBR blog post, John Baldoni writes that an inspirational leader has a strong leadership presence, which, he tells us, is made up of knowledge, authority, humility, and hope. I don’t think you have to be anyone special or have anything special in order to inspire. I believe we all have an ability to inspire. We just each do it in our own unique way.

Have you experienced inspirational leadership?

This post originally appeared on the Intuit QuickBase Team Leadership Blog.

Who do you work for?

I work for my boss.

Most people work for their boss and that simplifies things greatly—you are able to focus on pleasing one person rather than risk dealing with complexity.

I work for the company.

What is good for your boss may not always be in the best interest of your company. Have courage to speak up, but pick your battles carefully and choose wisely when it is worth it.

I work for my project.

When you are working on a high business impact project or if you are a contracted to work on a specific project, your priorities are clear. Say yes to any activity that moves your project forward and say no to activities that get in the way.

I work for the customer.

If you are in a sales or client support position, your priority is likely the customer. To me, the phrase ‘The customer is always right’ means putting the customer above your personal beliefs and your ego. If you truly work for the customer, you should be ready and willing to challenge company policies that aren’t working.

I work for myself.

If you want a good career, acknowledge that no matter who you work for, you also work for yourself. Make time to care for your physical, mental, and emotional health and make it a strategic priority to fit in education, learning, and personal and professional development.

Adjusting your mindset in this way is a quick way to figure out whose interests and desires are deserving of your priority list. Understanding who you need to please in order to do good work can help you make a better decision.

Who do you work for?

This post originally appeared on the Intuit QuickBase Team Leadership Blog.